I've been reading about prayer lately. Picked up Contemplative Prayer by Thomas Merton. I couldn't get beyond the first paragraph of the foreword by Douglas V. Steere without being stopped short.
Here ... are hints both of man's longing for exposure to these `beams of love' and yet his fear of what may be involved to come within its transforming power. For if to pray means to change, it is no wonder that men, even devoted men, hurry to fashion protective clothing, leaden aprons that resist all radiation, even beam-proof shelters within corporate religious exercises in order to elude the `beams of love' and to stay as they are.
Well. Guess it's time to leave the padded prie-dieu in my bunker, take off my lead apron and go find a spiritual director. (I can probably find one of those at the local Opus Dei house.) Change may be difficult and messy, but it has to be done in order to be like Christ. That's what I pray for most.