Family Book Group

So last month, Sarah and I could not get to a book club we've joined; we held a book discussion on The Pearl by John Steinbeck at home, just we two. (I downloaded discussion questions.) We had so much fun together! Sarah suggested we have a family book study - some of our other people were game, so we chose a book and a date for the discussion and began reading.

The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester was our choice to read together...our discussion was last night. What a treat! Again, discussion questions were available on line (these just spur further talk about the book). There were four of us: Bill, Sarah, Christopher, and I. It generated sharing, and laughter, and philosophical ramblings.

In furthering a point, Bill read an excerpt from another book; Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness. We enjoyed that snippet so much, we chose it for our next book. Then we set a discussion date for next month. Everyone is free to jump in or out at any time. It's a great reason to come together; to hear what our adult children think; to get more parental love into their tanks. A great idea - thank you Sarah!

The Providence of God

 Our car had to be in the shop three times in three successive months - and it was not cheap. As a result we got behind on other bills...we're still trying to catch up. Yet through it all we were reminded of God's providence, for we did not go hungry. Ate a lot of rice and pasta, but did not go hungry. We were able to have a modest Christmas. We were able to visit my parents in January. We learned the importance of margin; without a car we weren't able to go,go,go - a relief, actually. That part taught us to forgo good things in favor of better; time with each other. We were enabled to pay the internet bill so Bill could keep working. It prompted a reassessment of areas we could cut back even more or eliminate entirely. And we learned of resources available near us; so many more than we were aware of before our absolute poverty was set before us.

Only in America are we poor; three-fourths of the world dream of having what we have. Running water; heat in the coldest part of the year; an actual house with an actual roof which keeps out the rain; family to love and be loved. Riches beyond measure - the incomparable riches of God!

The Providence of God made us aware that in Him we live and move and have our being. From gravity holding us upon the Earth to the very air we breathe: everything is a gift from Him. His immeasurable love gives us everything, and we take it for granted! We don't deserve it, and we can't earn it, yet we have it all - everything - simply because He loves us! Loves us unreservedly, unconditionally, providentially. He asks only that we love Him in return. I can't come close to loving Him in the same way, yet I'm trying. In the meantime, I'm - we're relying on His providence and are so grateful.

Where I'm From: Dad

 We had Dad's birthday party almost a month ago. I decorated the Fellowship Hall of their church in green oak leaves and acorns. I purchased a beautiful print of an oak, based on a watercolor painting by a young man named Antony based in Kiev. Bill and I matted and framed it; after the party was over I gave it to Dad as a gift. I also wrote a poem for him. Ages ago a meme of sorts went around social media of free-form poetry titled "Where I'm From...". Earlier in my blog I wrote where I am from; two poems, each representing one side of my family. Here is the one I wrote for Dad:

I'm from Somerset, Kentucky and Columbus, Indiana. From the big house on Chestnut, from which I couldn't leave on my own.

I'm from a mule-riding sheriff and my maternal aunt also my paternal grandma.

I'm from an uncle for whom I was named, who died from a Kamikaze pilot.

I'm from a Dad who walked to the hospital to have a brain tumor removed; and from the miracle that removed the tumor first.

I'm from bluegrass and big noses and a near-replay of a family feud.

From iron skillets, outhouses,and a home bursting at the seams from my parents' generosity.

I'm from beans and cornbread, cherry pie, and a full table.

I'm from big gardens and garter snakes - wrapped around the doorknob for Mom's "pleasure".

I'm from drowned baby ducks, and a little brother who also drowned.

From a one-room school and skipping a grade, and putting one over on my physics teacher.

I'm from a pink Chrysler and dyeing my clothes to match; and a hayride where I met my future wife.

I'm from forgetting my dress shoes on my hotter-than-Hades wedding day.

From faith and hymns and singing in a quartet.

I'm from tending chickens and teaching my children not to be chicken.

From near-misses and miracles and the miraculous journey of life.

And now I'm from teaching my great-grandchildren about the miracles of the journey,just as I taught their parents, and their parents before them.

the Work of God

 I've often, over the years, asked God how best I could serve Him: what could I do to make an impact for His kingdom? I didn't find an answer in my angst-filled teens. I did go to an Evangelical Bible College and got a degree in Bible with an emphasis on Biblical Counseling. For one reason or another using that degree was blocked. It seemed I couldn't serve God that way. I drifted through my twenties still asking how I could serve. 

Then I stopped asking. I turned my back. I made one disastrous decision after another until I lost everything: boyfriend, job, bank account, living arrangements...even my truck broke down as I was trying to return to my parents. I still wasn't asking; I was half-way turned back to Him, but still resentful. I figured I'd be alone the rest of my life; whatever job I got would fill my days; I'd live with my parents until I got on my feet again.

Then I met my Beloved Bill, married, was slammed into our first difficult pregnancy. Shortly before our marriage, we had started attending Church (Mass for him, service for me) and the question started echoing again, "How can I serve you?"

With Christopher's birth, I knew my service in that season was to raise godly children. I threw myself into that; and the babies, the heartaches, the joy, the big decisions kept coming; but I knew where my service lay. With my family.

Then depression, illness, LIFE happened. I was bedridden much of the time. I felt useless. What could I do then? My wise husband told me I could always pray. And I knew I could offer up the constant pain for someone else's benefit. Yet I felt I didn't do either very effectively. In James 5:16, we're told "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective". I wasn't righteous. And I was so wrapped up in my pain I forgot to offer it up - it was wasted. Just...pain.

I wanted to be USEFUL. I wanted to be ACTIVE. The things I was trying to do seemed so static. Stagnant. Worthless. Of course, the Word of the Lord had the answer all along. Jesus had just multiplied the loaves and fish. The crowds had seen the apostles leave on a boat to Capernaum without Jesus; but in the morning, he wasn't there. (He had joined his disciples overnight, walking on the water.) So the crowds found him again in Capernaum. After a discourse by Christ, they 

                               "said to him, "What can we do to accomplish the works

                                of God?"

                                Jesus answered and said to them, "This is the work of 

                                God, that you believe in the One He sent."       --John 6:28-29

Now obviously, it isn't quite that easy. But with belief IN Him, comes love OF Him. With love OF Him comes the desire to be LIKE Him. With that desire, combined with action, in whatever season of life, you're automatically doing the will of our Father: because that's what Jesus did, and we're imitating Him. But it all starts with faith. Love. Only then will we have hope of eternal life.Yet we do need strenghth for the act of service. Jesus announces in John 6:27 that what nourishes man is a spiritual food which gives us eternal life. God is the One who gives us this food and He gives it to us through His Son. We must eat His body, drink His blood, in order to continue receiving power and virtue; in order to continue the work of God which is believing in the One He sent. The Eucharist is REAL, thank Goodness! My Lord and my God. + Amen +

Freedom from...is this a sin?

"He does not ration his gift of the Spirit."       --John 3:34

"Thou hast multiplied, O Lord my God, thy wondrous deeds and thy thoughts toward us; none can compare with thee! Were I to proclaim and tell all of them, they would be more than can be numbered."       --Ps 40:5

I never thought my eating habits were a problem. When I cooked for the family (which, admittedly, was rarely) we had a meat, a starch, and a non-starchy vegetable. Since I often was nearly bedridden, my husband or , again rarely, one or more of my daughters cooked; the servings of starch went up and the vegetables pretty much... disappeared. Now I really can't complain, right? He's doing this wonderful service for me, which shows he loves me, because most of the time he's wiped out too. Brain work, requiring concentration and attention to details, many times is more taxing than physical work. So we'd end up in a "carb coma" for a short time, needing a nap, and wake ready to nosh. Eating much more than intended, and much more than necessary, on a particular day. Is this a sin?

I was/am? also an emotional eater. Angry with one of the kids? Stuff that emotion down with some chips. Frustrated with Bill? Push it in with some cheese and crackers, A LOT of cheese and crackers. Simply bored? Popcorn, nicely buttered, is always a panacea. The list goes on: grieving, exhausted, sad, happy, energetic, lonely, need a reward...all were "satisfied" with unhealthy, in nature or in portion size, food. Is that a sin?

Yes. They both are sins. The first: "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple." (1 Cor 3:16-17) 

The second is a sin because I'm not relying on the Lord, I'm trying to fill a God-sized hole with food; it doesn't work. "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit... ." (Rom 8:5)

Our family is quite fond of the Aubrey/Maturin series of books written by Patrick O'Brien. In _Blue at the Mizzen, before telling Captain Jack Aubrey about a naval attack on Valparaiso, Chile, the naturalist, spy, and ship's doctor, Stephen Maturin says, "I tell you most solemnly that I must be fed." "Well, if your god is your belly, I suppose you must worship it," said Jacob.

Our god has been our belly. We are to "abstain from every form of evil." (1 Thess 5:22) "I appeal to you, therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." (Rom 12:1)

"Nevertheless,He did not come to abolish all evils here below, but to free men from the greatest slavery, sin, which causes all forms of human bondage. (CCC #549)

Wherefore art thou?

 Been thinking of Romeo and Juliet tonight. Some people say it's an incredible LOVE STORY, in capital letters. I've always considered it a tragedy. A tale of rebellion, obsession, and suicide. They first defied their parents to even meet each other. That very first rebellion led to their deaths. Some will say, "Yes, but they got to LOVE." Uh-huh. A possessive, obsessive "love"; insular, yet uncommunicative. They killed themselves grasping at that love. They each thought they'd found their soulmate. 

Nonsense. You don't just find a soulmate; you make one. There is not one someone out there made just for you; someone with "Your Soulmate" tattooed on their forehead. The only Soulmate made just for any of us is our Sweet Jesus. You're compatible with many people: it's how you view them, how you treat them that makes them your soulmate. Cultivate your own virtues so you can see their's.

You meet someone; you hit it off. Pretty soon you're giddy in love; ready to say "yes" to anything. Most of us get married in that state. Are you soulmates? You think so. The endorphins are roiling; you're over the moon with love and happiness on your wedding day! But it doesn't stay that way. It's too exhausting to wake on top of the world every day. The honeymoon ends and the marriage starts. THAT'S when you begin to make your soulmate. 

In the forge of quotidian duties soulmates are fashioned. You're no longer in a transient, giddy relationship; you've settled into a stable, secure, abiding kind of love. Or should. If you don't get distracted by circumstances, or give up when the road is rough. Some of us go into marriage with an "escape plan" in case our partner doesn't "measure up" over time. This leads to - foments - divorce. A wedding should be a solemn exchanging of a VOW. A heart-meant oath to choose this person and to keep choosing this person day after day. A party on the beach or whatever trivializes that choice. It dances around the Sacrament of Marriage, mocking it all the way.

Soulmates are MADE in the daily. Working together through children and chores and chaos. Always wanting the best for and believing the best of the other. Couples who cannot do this often decide on a "civil divorce". The very idea is hogwash! Firstly, it's an oxymoron. Divorce involves ripping one flesh into two bodies - there is NOTHING "civil" about that. Secondly, a civil divorce is granted by the State. What has the State to do with love or the lack of it? It shouldn't have anything to do with it. Marriage is initiated in the eyes of GOD; and only He should be the One to end it. His Church will grant an annulment of marriage in a relatively few cases. It does not grant the dissolution of marriage.

I KNOW that Bill and I are soulmates. We've been through fire together. High-risk pregnancies, the discovery of a mental illness, disability, harsh money woes, too many illnesses to count. And we continue to choose each other. Every day. He's my best hope of getting to Heaven and I am his (he's knocking  off a LOT of Purgatory time just doing life with me).  We've been through things that could have torn us apart if we hadn't clung to our REAL Soulmate, the ever-living God. He's ever-living within us. That's how we've managed to stay in our marriage  for a quarter-century.

You see, marriage is a triangle. The spouses are at the bottom two corners; God is at the narrow point at the top. As the spouses move closer to God, they move closer to each other. Up the triangle as it narrows. When you find God, you find the other. A cord of three strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Romeo and Juliet chose death before divorce. A tragedy either way. But they were doomed from the start; they were missing a Strand.

Legacy Box - The Hardest Thing

In your opinion, what is the most difficult thing a parent has to do?

Die to self. It's the most difficult thing a parent, a spouse ... any Christian has to do. A childhood and young adulthood  is spent finding autonomy then to overcome loneliness the young adult finds a mate to "be happy". Then children come along. If there is no reason (I.e. "I love God and my family for love of God") to put self in last place it's a miserable road for all.
This scenario is especially true in America where we are so spoiled; things are readily available. Venerable Fulton Sheen once said something along these lines, "Things are to be used and people are to be loved. We get into trouble when we love things and use people."
If God calls you to parenthood, teach your children about true Christianity early. Learning to die to self early can only help in their future vocations. You, my children, are well on your way.

Dying to self. Learning to serve. Loving. That is the hardest thing anyone - in any walk of life - has to do. Lord, help me love as You do!

Legacy Box - Love

In my legacy box today: Does your definition of love change throughout your life?

Your definition, your understanding of that definition, the way you express love...all of that changes throughout your life. You do what you can with what you know then when you know better you do better, to paraphrase Maya Angelou. As a child love is that sense of security your parents give you. As a teenager it's that electricity you feel when a certain someone comes near. As a newlywed you realize it's both the feeling, the electric zap, and the security, "I can be myself with this person and he will not leave". As an older married couple love begins to focus on the other; how can I ease his path today? It's more active, less reactive. It (love) is always a choice, but never more so than in the middle of the night when one child is vomiting and the baby is crying and the parents haven't had a full night's sleep in seven years. To desire the good of the other is love.

I have not arrived. I am a highly selfish creature. Innately selfish; concupiscently selfish... and I have several medical conditions that often leave me inwardly focused. Yet I recognize love. My husband loves me as Christ loves the Church. His is a mature, generous, desiring-the-good-of-the-other love. I am beyond blessed to be his other.