Wherefore art thou?

 Been thinking of Romeo and Juliet tonight. Some people say it's an incredible LOVE STORY, in capital letters. I've always considered it a tragedy. A tale of rebellion, obsession, and suicide. They first defied their parents to even meet each other. That very first rebellion led to their deaths. Some will say, "Yes, but they got to LOVE." Uh-huh. A possessive, obsessive "love"; insular, yet uncommunicative. They killed themselves grasping at that love. They each thought they'd found their soulmate. 

Nonsense. You don't just find a soulmate; you make one. There is not one someone out there made just for you; someone with "Your Soulmate" tattooed on their forehead. The only Soulmate made just for any of us is our Sweet Jesus. You're compatible with many people: it's how you view them, how you treat them that makes them your soulmate. Cultivate your own virtues so you can see their's.

You meet someone; you hit it off. Pretty soon you're giddy in love; ready to say "yes" to anything. Most of us get married in that state. Are you soulmates? You think so. The endorphins are roiling; you're over the moon with love and happiness on your wedding day! But it doesn't stay that way. It's too exhausting to wake on top of the world every day. The honeymoon ends and the marriage starts. THAT'S when you begin to make your soulmate. 

In the forge of quotidian duties soulmates are fashioned. You're no longer in a transient, giddy relationship; you've settled into a stable, secure, abiding kind of love. Or should. If you don't get distracted by circumstances, or give up when the road is rough. Some of us go into marriage with an "escape plan" in case our partner doesn't "measure up" over time. This leads to - foments - divorce. A wedding should be a solemn exchanging of a VOW. A heart-meant oath to choose this person and to keep choosing this person day after day. A party on the beach or whatever trivializes that choice. It dances around the Sacrament of Marriage, mocking it all the way.

Soulmates are MADE in the daily. Working together through children and chores and chaos. Always wanting the best for and believing the best of the other. Couples who cannot do this often decide on a "civil divorce". The very idea is hogwash! Firstly, it's an oxymoron. Divorce involves ripping one flesh into two bodies - there is NOTHING "civil" about that. Secondly, a civil divorce is granted by the State. What has the State to do with love or the lack of it? It shouldn't have anything to do with it. Marriage is initiated in the eyes of GOD; and only He should be the One to end it. His Church will grant an annulment of marriage in a relatively few cases. It does not grant the dissolution of marriage.

I KNOW that Bill and I are soulmates. We've been through fire together. High-risk pregnancies, the discovery of a mental illness, disability, harsh money woes, too many illnesses to count. And we continue to choose each other. Every day. He's my best hope of getting to Heaven and I am his (he's knocking  off a LOT of Purgatory time just doing life with me).  We've been through things that could have torn us apart if we hadn't clung to our REAL Soulmate, the ever-living God. He's ever-living within us. That's how we've managed to stay in our marriage  for a quarter-century.

You see, marriage is a triangle. The spouses are at the bottom two corners; God is at the narrow point at the top. As the spouses move closer to God, they move closer to each other. Up the triangle as it narrows. When you find God, you find the other. A cord of three strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Romeo and Juliet chose death before divorce. A tragedy either way. But they were doomed from the start; they were missing a Strand.

Secrets of the Interior Life

By Archbishop Luis M. Martinez,  translated by H. J. Beutler, C.M. S.T.L. I read this fabulous book as part of my morning devotions. Bishop Martinez stresses faith, even when, especially when, one is in desolation and believe God is far away. In the obscurity of faith is where one will hear Him (not in feelings). I found so many truths and helps in here! I will be reading it again, aloud, to my children.

Personal Prayers of Christians Through the Centuries

This is a small book full of brief prayers compiled by David Schubert. The prayers have been put into modernized form and are listed in a loose alphabetical framework. It includes some relatively unknown people (Acuin, English priest and scholar), and some woefully mislabeled (Patrick, patron of Ireland), from all Cristian traditions (John Knox, Martin Luther, John Wesley, etc.), and many Church fathers (Clement, Polycarp, Irenaeus, etc.). There are poets and kings, hymnists and seamen, theologians and headmasters. People who would seem to have nothing in common, yet they all prayed. Beautiful prayers. Written down for posterity. So we, too, may pray these prayers. A beginning prayer of contrition, an ending plea for peace.

"Lord God,
Of your goodness give me yourself,
For you are enough for me,
And only in you have I all. Amen."
                               Julian of Norwich

The Heart of Virtue

Lessons from Life and Literature Illustrating the Beauty and Value of Moral Character. Donald DeMarco presents twenty - eight different vrtues in this work. He uses stories that personify those virtues and shows how love is at the core of each one. In addition to the personifying story, each virtue is explained through philosophical analysis. A truly edifying book.

My Sisters the Saints

This is a Spiritual memoir by Colleen Carroll Campbell, and it is fantastic! The best way to describe it is the blurb from the back of the book. "... Campbell tells the story of her fifteen -year quest to understand the meaning of her life and identity in light of her Christian faith and contemporary feminism.... Along the way, she wrestles with the quintessential dilemmas of her generation: confusion over the sexual chaos of the hookup culture, tension between her dueling desires for professional success and committed love, ambivalence about marriage and motherhood, and anguish at her father's descent into dementia and her own infertility.

Dissatisfied with pat answers from both secular feminists and their critics, she finds grace and inspiration from an unexpected source, spiritual friendship with six female saints: Teresa of Avila, Therese of Lisieux, Faustina of Poland, Edith Stein of Germany, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, and Mary of Nazareth. Their lives and writings speak to her deepest longings, guide her through her most wrenching decisions, and lead her to rethink nearly everything she thought she knew about what it means to be a liberated woman."

There were so many ways I could identify with Campbell! Her book was incredibly helpful to me. I read it as a book club entry and would really love to discuss it. I have another meeting that night as well that I must attend and will get a half hour at book club. Boo- hoo! I look forward to investigation of St. Edith Stein especially in my future. There are entire pages highlighted in that chapter. A memoir highly recommended.

The Faith of the Early Fathers

Compiled by William A. Jurgens, I just finished volume 1 of the 3 volume set. "It is a source - book of theological and historical passages from the Christian writings of the pre-Nicene and Nicene eras." Jurgens also did the translation of the writings. It begins with the Didache, then St. Clement of Rome, an Apostolic Father writing about A.D. 80 while he reigned as Peter's 3rd successor as Pope. Volume 1 ends with Pope St. Damasus I, who reigned from A.D.366-384.

I've been reading this as part of my morning devotions. Many of the writings were to fight heresies. There is nothing new under the sun. The same beliefs still exist, it seems. Many people today are so busy making Christ "relatable" they forget His divinity. A few go the other way; so busy with an unreachable pedestal for Christ they forget the Incarnation. Denying either side of Christ is a heresy and anathema. There are so many more heresies that had to be battled. Has the Church weakened? For now no anathemas are pronounced. It would be intolerant. We apparently need to live and let live. Of course, it's a different world. Evangelization is different. Then, the only Christians were Catholic.... No. The Church hasn't weakened. Just gentle as a dove and sly as a fox.

I have been reading this for some time, since I only read and pondered one reading a day. Some were very exciting and I would wish Jurgens had included more in the book ( these are mostly just excerpts of larger works). Occasionally he included pieces so long I would have to break them down. All in all, a satisfactory addition to my devotions.

Listen: Wonderstruck

The next challenge was to go through your music collection, selecting a song meaningful to your spiritual journey. Listen to lyrics and tune with eyes closed and consider how this song reminds you of God's presence and faithfulness. Then spend time in thankfulness for His faithfulness.

My  collection of Christian music is fairly poor; and my daughter has swiped our CD player. Hello, YouTube! I chose Creed by Rich Mullins. It is the Apostles' Creed set to music. He plays a hammered dulcimer throughout. He also inserts a chorus:

And I believe what I believe.
It's what makes me who I am.
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not
The invention of any man.

What I believe (and I do believe the Apostles' Creed) does form me, makes me who I am. And truth is Truth, no matter what I do. God gave this truth, He is faithful to form our minds and consciences with Truth if we just believe. I am grateful for this. Finding truth = the wonder of listening.

Gratitude: Wonderstruck

"Gratitude is the acknowledgment of God's wonder in our lives. It keeps us from walking past wonder unaware." This challenge was to set an alarm every three hours and write down three things for which you're grateful when the alarm sounds.

Some challenges have been more fun or easier than others. This was both. I managed to get fifteen hours of semi-wakefulness in. Not bad, given my health lately. So I began at 9:00 am, just after my devotions, in my morning routine. I wrote that I am grateful for; sunlight, medicine, Jesus.

I had my breakfast, checked email, read awhile. And fell asleep. But the children's dentist appointment...I sluggishly pulled myself out of bed. At 12:00 pm my list read; sleep, pajamas, hot water showers.

Awake. Three kids to dentist, errands run. Steak N Shake for lunch. My 3:00 pm list read that I am grateful for; my children, laughter, adequate money to occasionally eat out. But my energy was flagging; I nearly fell asleep driving as I neared home. Once I got there I slipped into my jammies and into my bed. My 6:00 pm list read; someone else as cook, my husband, music.

Then the migraine hit. My sweet husband crawled into bed with me and rubbed my head, which helps greatly. My grateful list at 9:00 pm reads; books, massage, sips of water in the darkness.

Gratitude. Thanksgiving. In Latin Eucharisteo. The Eucharist. That's the Real reason for and wonder of gratitude.

Kindness: Wonderstruck

This challenge is to express kindness to someone in your life whom you don't naturally connect with or who intimidates you. Demonstrate God's goodness and love in a practical way, reflecting on how your actions affect your attitude with this person.

Well. Sometimes the person who intimidates you is someone quite close to you. It can sometimes be hard to naturally connect with someone with whom you have natural connections. My mother.  I love her dearly, but I often feel marginalized by her. It has gotten better as I have gotten strong enough to stand up for myself. But I have bipolar disorder. If I am struggling and have to deal with her, I allow her power to make me feel an inadequate child.

This happened recently as I went through a depressive episode. She reduced me to histrionic tears by criticizing my choices. I resolved not to contact her until I was stronger. Then this challenge....

So I called her. I asked leading questions. I even pretended interest when she told me about the TV shows she was watching as we spoke. (She rarely gives me her full attention, even when we're face to face. Another way to make me feel unimportant.) But I showed her kindness, no matter what she said or how she said it. I hung up from our conversation a bit frustrated, but not inconsolable. Actions do affect attitude. And that's the wonder of kindness.

Meaning: Wonderstruck

This challenge is to research the meaning of your name. God is involved in the details, even our names. Often, our names signify who God has created us to be or the work God wants us to do in our lives. Once you know what your name means, spend time in prayer reflecting on the demonstration of God's love and goodness in the meaning of your name as well as who He has called and created you to be.

Depending upon which language you use, the name "Lisa" means either "Devoted to God" or "Oath of God". If I live as though I am devoted to God, I will become a saint. Motivation follows action. This is how I am to live.

The second meaning gives me recollection and renewal of the love of God for me. He didn't just casually throw out a promise for my welfare; He made a covenantal oath. (Anyone who has read Scott Hahn knows what this entails and that it is deeper, richer, and binding to the end.)

God is deeply interested in my welfare. He took an oath on it. I am interested in His welfare and image. I will live devoted to Him. This is the wonder of meaning; of my name, and of my life.

Forgiveness: Wonderstruck

Today the challenge is to spend twenty minutes in prayer asking the Holy Spirit to reveal where you harbor unforgiveness. Write each down and forgive each one. Pray for your own forgiveness for holding unforgiveness in your heart, then pray blessing each name on your list.

I won't share in detail the results of this challenge. Most of the folks on my list probably wouldn't see a valid reason for being there. The others would have valid reasons to put me on a list of their own. Most of us don't set out consciously to harm those we love. And usually only those we love harm us. Obviously, I'm not speaking of being the victim of a crime. Just those niggling emotional pains that are so hard to overcome and so hard to forgive.

Which is why we don't forgive just once. People can't just forgive and forget; we're not wired that way. We are hurt. We forgive. Then, like a dog toying with a bone, we pull that hurt out at a low point and examine it anew. So we forgive again. Sometimes we're forgiving ourselves over and over.

Confession. Reconciliation. Penance. All names for the wonderful Sacrament where Christ, through the priest, forgives and ABSOLVES our sins. Even the same ones, over and over. That IS the wonder of forgiveness!

Generosity: Wonderstruck

This challenge dealt with generosity. And surprise.  The book suggested giving gift cards to unsuspecting people, but we live so close to the bone that really wasn't an option.

To celebrate my 50th birthday, I wanted to do something different. Something altruistic. Again, there's the lack of money. I asked all my Facebook friends to do a random act of kindness in my honor while my family and I did fifty (or more) acts of kindness during my birthday week. This was surprisingly generous ... to us!

We would make a fifteen minute trip to the library but put two hours worth of coins in the meter.  Pay for the coffee refill of the elderly man at McDonald's. Hold the door. We got the biggest kick out of engaging strangers in conversation, or just giving a smile to someone who looked like he needed one. Random acts of kindness are akin to good manners. They are a form of generosity. They are unexpected, more's the pity, by the receiver. And they grant the giver an opportunity to be wonderstruck!

Legacy Box - The Hardest Thing

In your opinion, what is the most difficult thing a parent has to do?

Die to self. It's the most difficult thing a parent, a spouse ... any Christian has to do. A childhood and young adulthood  is spent finding autonomy then to overcome loneliness the young adult finds a mate to "be happy". Then children come along. If there is no reason (I.e. "I love God and my family for love of God") to put self in last place it's a miserable road for all.
This scenario is especially true in America where we are so spoiled; things are readily available. Venerable Fulton Sheen once said something along these lines, "Things are to be used and people are to be loved. We get into trouble when we love things and use people."
If God calls you to parenthood, teach your children about true Christianity early. Learning to die to self early can only help in their future vocations. You, my children, are well on your way.

Dying to self. Learning to serve. Loving. That is the hardest thing anyone - in any walk of life - has to do. Lord, help me love as You do!

Legacy Box - Love

In my legacy box today: Does your definition of love change throughout your life?

Your definition, your understanding of that definition, the way you express love...all of that changes throughout your life. You do what you can with what you know then when you know better you do better, to paraphrase Maya Angelou. As a child love is that sense of security your parents give you. As a teenager it's that electricity you feel when a certain someone comes near. As a newlywed you realize it's both the feeling, the electric zap, and the security, "I can be myself with this person and he will not leave". As an older married couple love begins to focus on the other; how can I ease his path today? It's more active, less reactive. It (love) is always a choice, but never more so than in the middle of the night when one child is vomiting and the baby is crying and the parents haven't had a full night's sleep in seven years. To desire the good of the other is love.

I have not arrived. I am a highly selfish creature. Innately selfish; concupiscently selfish... and I have several medical conditions that often leave me inwardly focused. Yet I recognize love. My husband loves me as Christ loves the Church. His is a mature, generous, desiring-the-good-of-the-other love. I am beyond blessed to be his other.

Legacy Box - Dad

From my Legacy Box this morning; Do you and your father share any interests? Tell about your relationship as a child and as an adult.

We share many interests: the outdoors, walking, woodlore, animals, reading, writing, poetry, watching sports, a conservative viewpoint, a Christian worldview.

I had and still have a good relationship with my father. There are things on which we disagree; as a child I just didn't discuss those topics. As a teen I badgered him with "what-if" until I got the answer I wanted. Now as adults we can gently tease each other about those issues, recognizing our differences in love with humor, letting the other know it's alright. The differences can stay because the love will stay, too.

My Dad could also cast me into tears with just a look. He never had to spank me - if he let me know he was disappointed in me I was devastated.

LISTEN. I love to listen to my Dad. Sometimes he liked to talk; he's gotten more garrulous as he's gotten older. And there are gems in there.

I Beg To Differ...Oh, Wait.

"There Are No Perfect Marriages." Well, I beg to differ. MY marriage is perfect; MY man is perfect; I have NO complaints. Although...he does leave the cabinet doors open.  He doesn't tell me when he spends money so our checkbook is always in arears. Our libidos don't match. He...oh...wait.

Expectations really get us into trouble in the marriage arena, especially if we're fed a steady diet of fairy tale romances (or trashy romances). "Expectations are preconceived resentments." When I married I naively thought all men were innately like my dad; able to do all household and car repairs in an afternoon. That is not where my husband's strengths lie. And I'm sure I am not at ALL what he expected.

We have faced incredible struggles together: six hard, stressful pregnancies that sometimes held dangers for both Mom and baby; the loss of a precious baby girl; poverty (only by America's standard's); grueling medical bills; discouraging diagnoses of us and our children; my mental illness and trying to find the right mix of medications to treat it. In marriage, we are stronger than ever. We determined to take a sacramental approach to our marriage - it would be life-long. The word "divorce" would never be mentioned. Love is not a feeling, but a daily (sometimes grinding) choice. We simply choose to love each other.

Gary Thomas asks this question in his book Sacred Marriage: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" Exactly. Marriage should prompt us to pursue holiness. In Ephesians 5:33 we're told, "Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Earlier in the chapter wives are told to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. We're addressed in our general weaknesses here. Women (for the most part) like to take control and have trouble submitting, but respecting her husband will bring out his manly qualities. Men (in a general sense) are not relational by nature and often will take care of practical matters before "loving". However, when a man takes the time to truly love his wife she will SHINE! Marriage is a path to make us more like Christ.

So, my marriage isn't perfect. But that's because my husband and I are not perfect. It is an excellent marriage, because we both encourage the other to growth. To be better mates, parents, Christ-followers. My husband. Next to that cross he is the greatest gift God has given me. He loves me more than life itself. And he loves God more than that. There are no perfect marriages, but some of them (happy sigh!) can get fairly close.

Send In The Replacements!

So now we move on to the antidote to the perfection infection. Pride, fear, insecurity, and judging keep us infected. Send in the replacements!

Pride is "cleverly costumed" in our lives - because it LOOKS like confidence. However, it is self-centered, self-focused, self-preserving. Jesus wants us to die to self. So replace pride with humility. The Latin humilitas means grounded or low. Grounded means one is not easily swayed. A grounded person isn't looking for recognition because she is at peace with her worth in the eyes of God.

Replace fear with courage. FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real. This is one I struggle with: I'm afraid of what people will think, I worry others will judge me, I fear rejection. Courageous women are still fearful; they just don't allow fear to stop them. Courage comes from knowing God is with me - to the very end of the age. He is my strength and salvation; of whom can I possibly be afraid? He loves me unconditionally. Because of that, I can love myself and others the same way.

Insecurity happens when the voices tell us we aren't enough. This is another of my challenge areas. The negative soundtrack that plays in my head keeps me feeling "less than". Less than others. Less than my best self. It paralyzes me from living out any potential; because I tell myself "I can't do it right, so I'd best not start". This statement can apply to anything from beginning a ministry at church to cleaning the toilet. As Jill says in her book, "Perfectionism is the best friend to procrastination." (I'm blogging instead of washing the breakfast dishes...and last night's supper dishes!) SO...replace insecurity with confidence. True confidence is really God-confidence. It's not necessarily believing in myself, but believing in what God can do through me. Even the dishes.

Replace judging with grace. We more often criticize others (even if only in our minds) than we give them the benefit of the doubt. Judgement is so divisive, demanding, ugly. It's very prideful and keeps us blinded to our own shortcomings. Grace is granting mercy; allowing someone else to make human errors without harsh critique.

Unrealistic expectations keep us from enjoying the real here-and-now lives we have. Simply change them, don't lower them. Replace them with realistic expectations. Humility, courage, confidence, and grace will help us be more realistic.

Revolving-Door Confessional

My husband and I used to tag-team for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. One would watch the increasing number of little children while the other would enter the confessional. Then, after lucky number one's penance was done, he or she would watch the children so the spouse could be shriven. By the time said spouse was finished, number one's soul did not feel so bright and shiny any longer after dealing with the stresses little children inevitably bring and a return trip to the confessional was often joked about. This is when we began talking about the need for a confessional with a revolving door.

Concupiscence. Paul in Romans 8 describes it well, saying he does what he doesn't want to do, and doesn't do what he would like. We all know it well; but I am a worm and know it better than most.

I went to avail myself of the Sacrament of Reconciliation Saturday. Truly contrite and profoundly grateful for absolution, I said my penance next to my oldest daughter in the back row right which seems to be reserved for penitents in our church. Then, since we were staying for Mass, we moved forward in the church, where I sat contentedly contemplating Jesus on the Cross. Yes, God forgive me, I was looking at the crucifix in church, speaking with my Lord, and perfectly content. Complacent. Complacency does me in every time.

One of the entrances to our church needs repaired; the door slams shut rather than closing slowly and quietly. Most of the people know this, but don't think to catch the door and close it themselves. The third time the door's slam interrupted my reverie my first thought was "Damn it, can't you catch the door?!" My eyes travelled back to Jesus on the cross. I was no longer content, but convicted. My sins, including these just committed, had put Him there. Not only had I used foul language IN CHURCH, but I was being uncharitable to my fellow parishioners (I have a special problem with being charitable and never fail to mention it in the confessional). I felt I should make an about-face and march right back into the booth. Then I saw the Sacristan heading to the back with Father's chasuble. Too late.

Fortunately, these were venial sins and receiving Jesus' Precious Body wiped those sins away. My own contrite heart was fertile ground for His saving action. I thought I had a bright, shiny soul - for ten minutes! Turns out my attitude of heart and mind may have made the time less than that. Concupiscence. I still need a revolving-door confessional.

St. Rita

Each new year, along with a really serious resolution, I go to a website for a saint for the year; an extra patron to pray for me, from whose life and holiness I can learn. The selection is random - until this year a nun prayed for my request for a saint, then assigned one to me. This year I used a Saint's Name Generator website. My friends and I have always referred to this process as the saint's choice.

The saint who chose me this year is St. Rita of Cascia. She is so powerful! She is also a little frightening to me. If I'm going to need her help this year...God may ask a lot of me in 2012. St. Rita is a patron of those in difficult marriages (can't see how that could ever happen, my beloved Bill is the most even-tempered person I've ever met!). She's also a patron of desperate causes, harsh illnesses, and widows.

That's stuff I don't want to face. I'd much rather the Christian life be a picnic. I'd rather read and study and have a theoretical understanding of the providence of God. As it is, we understand God providing our physical needs - there's always more month than money, yet everything is...comfortable. I LIKE comfortable. And it seems, if I'll need St. Rita's intercession, the lack may not be monetary (which I'm used to); but perhaps health. Quinta has been having pain issues; no cause has been found, so she has been in physical therapy. Or mental health; with her pain, Quinta has become glued to my side. I am struggling against resentment at losing "me" time. We won't even discuss the possibility of widowhood - which scares me beyond measure.

And maybe, just maybe, I am simply to learn from St. Rita's life and holiness. To enrich my own life and increase my own holiness. I'm going to try to reign in my wild imagination and approach my new patron in that way. St. Rita of Cascia, please pray for me to the Lord our God!

Claim His Victory

My devotion book is currently a thick little thing called God's Promises and Answers For Women. Small sections with a heading and Bible verses to go along with that heading. This morning I came to: God Blesses Women When They... Claim His Victory.

I thought, "What a Protestant thing: claim His victory." But in actuality it's not. Because God is victorious - in everything! We have only to enjoy His creation, accept His promises, await His coming. These things are for all who believe in Him.

"For God is the king of all the earth....God sits on His holy throne....He is greatly exalted." (Psalm 47:7-9) Claim His victory.