The Providence of God

 Our car had to be in the shop three times in three successive months - and it was not cheap. As a result we got behind on other bills...we're still trying to catch up. Yet through it all we were reminded of God's providence, for we did not go hungry. Ate a lot of rice and pasta, but did not go hungry. We were able to have a modest Christmas. We were able to visit my parents in January. We learned the importance of margin; without a car we weren't able to go,go,go - a relief, actually. That part taught us to forgo good things in favor of better; time with each other. We were enabled to pay the internet bill so Bill could keep working. It prompted a reassessment of areas we could cut back even more or eliminate entirely. And we learned of resources available near us; so many more than we were aware of before our absolute poverty was set before us.

Only in America are we poor; three-fourths of the world dream of having what we have. Running water; heat in the coldest part of the year; an actual house with an actual roof which keeps out the rain; family to love and be loved. Riches beyond measure - the incomparable riches of God!

The Providence of God made us aware that in Him we live and move and have our being. From gravity holding us upon the Earth to the very air we breathe: everything is a gift from Him. His immeasurable love gives us everything, and we take it for granted! We don't deserve it, and we can't earn it, yet we have it all - everything - simply because He loves us! Loves us unreservedly, unconditionally, providentially. He asks only that we love Him in return. I can't come close to loving Him in the same way, yet I'm trying. In the meantime, I'm - we're relying on His providence and are so grateful.

Health and Mercy

"The last degree of love is when He gave Himself to be our Food; because He gave Himself to be united with us in every way."                                         ---St. Bernardine of Sienna

On April 13th I had Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery. I chose to do this in order to gain some form of health; type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, constant pain from fibromyalgia, arthritis, migraines, back issues (my SI joints were getting routine corticosteroid injections) ... lingering pain from knee replacement surgery done in 2008 and mildly damaged in 2015. I had no energy, no stamina, virtually no hope. I mourned the person I used to be: capable and strong. I no longer canoed, or hiked, or camped, or socialized, or just about anything. I didn't have the spoons. If I did have a good day, inevitably I did too much, and would have to spend the next few days in bed doing nothing. When does invalid become in-valid? For that's how I felt: isolated, useless, forgotten. And there was unrelenting pain.

After some research, I realized this surgery would help more of my conditions than anything else. I had accepted the fact that my body's set point for weight was around 250 lbs., a lot to carry on a 5' 4" frame, but there you have it. I took this option for HEALTH. The weight loss was just lagniappe.

So. Surgery the 13th. I followed all the rules preparing for the surgery - a highly motivated candidate. My last blood sugar pre-op was 197: the first post-op was 115. Half of my medications are gone: my body can no longer absorb them properly. Others have lesser dosages. My way of eating is forever changed, of course, and exercise must become my good friend. it's worth the cost...I've had more energy the last week than I've had in years! My family has to keep reminding me to take a break. There has been no pain other than the incision sites. Not a headache, let alone a migraine. I have stamina. BP readings are on the low side of normal. I've lost 9 lbs. (as of Wed. I only weigh once a week.)  I'm 11 days out from surgery. If it can make a difference that quickly, just imagine the possibilities! Oh, I've been. 

This surgery has been a Blessing: a Mercy.

Today is Divine Mercy Sunday on the Church calendar. In Dives in Misericordia, Pope Saint John Paul II tells us that Divine Mercy is the ultimate manifestation of God's love in a history injured by sin. John 3:16 declares "God so loved the world that He gave His only Son." In the Easter vigil we proclaim, "To redeem the slave He has sacrificed the Son." Our own despicable situation, caused by sin, is placed by God into the loving heart of Jesus, faithful to the Will of the Father and Food for our souls. That's Mercy.

In today's second reading we find, "I, John, your brother, who share with you the distress, the Kingdom, and the endurance we have in Jesus..." We are all distressed. The sin in our life strangles, maims, leaves us spiritually bedridden. Then Christ appears; makes us valid through the Sacraments, shows us the Kingdom as long as we endure in His Way.

"Let those who fear the LORD say, 'His mercy endures forever."       ---Ps. 118:4

Confessions of a Prayer Slacker

By Diane Hale Moody, I found this non-fiction work to be extremely helpful. Perhaps because it went hand-in-glove with other things going on in my life as I read it. Moody takes us through the dynamics of prayer, common reasons (excuses) why we don't pray, how to address those.... it's a reminder of the incredible importance of daily, heart-felt communication with the Creator of the universe who wants relationship with us! It's a guide of how to prepare for that communication and why to prepare at all. Moody is chatty with some lame jokes which didn't detract from her material, maybe because I needed to read the material. Recommended.

Appreciation: Wonderstruck

This challenge was to express gratitude to three people who have made a difference in my life; who have been couriers of God's wonder. I chose my parents, my husband, and my mother-in-law. I chose to thank each of them with a handwritten note.

My parents were the primary shapers of my faith. They got it going and molded it well, I think. I don't think I ever really thanked them for that, even in the note that told them I was converting to Roman Catholicism (or in their minds, turning my back on my faith). So I wrote a note detailing exactly what I thank them for in regards to faith. It went out in today's mail.

My husband helped guide me to the fullness of faith in the Catholic Church. He continues to guide and guard our family. I couldn't be more proud of him, nor love and respect him more.

My mother-in-law gives me an example of a truly simple, yet deep belief. Perhaps because she's had to rely on God for the most mundane things all her life, she just knows she will be taken care of somehow. She was just diagnosed with cancer; she's facing it with a serenity I am envious of. I needed to thank her for the gift of her example.

These are the wonders of appreciation. Thank you, Lord, for each of these people. Please bless them.

God: Wonder Struck

The challenge for day 17 is to be in the presence of God. To write down names for, characteristics of, attributes of, and promises of God. Then spend time thanking and adoring Him.

He is El Shaddai, God Almighty. The God who listens. Lord Most High.

Lord, you are worthy, mighty, holy, just, merciful, loving, omniscient, omnipresent, marvelous, awesome, good, light.

You are the bread of life, the door, the only way to the Father, a strong tower, The way, the truth, and the life, the creator, the Savior, the comforter, the shepherd, the judge, vindicator, stronghold, my strength, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my shield, my saving horn, perfect, trustworthy, right, clear, pure, true, host, compassionate, faithful, my salvation, my life's refuge.

As for promises, there are so many! I only wrote down some that were true for me; and I'll only post some of those. What an amazing God!

The Lord Himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still. Ex 14:14

For the sake of your name, Lord, pardon my guilt, though it is great. Ps  25:11

Blessed be God, who did not refuse me the kindness I sought in prayer. Ps  66:20

I, the Lord, am your God ... open wide your mouth that I may fill it. Ps 81:11

Show us, Lord, your love; grant us your salvation. Ps  85:8

The entirety of Psalm 103

Gives the childless wife a home, the joyful mother of children. Hallelujah! Ps  113:9

Sirach 2:1-6

How great the mercy of the Lord, his forgiveness of those who return to him! Sirach 17:24

Let your life be free from love of money but be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never forsake you or abandon you." Heb 13:5

Oh, the wonder of the presence of God!!

Letter: Wonder Struck

This next challenge was fun for this wordsmith girl! I had to write a letter of love and gratitude to God. I only had twenty minutes. Had to set that timer again, because I could write for hours!

Dearest Heavenly Father,

Oh, how I love you! You have done such wondrous things for me. Jesus. The most amazing gift. And He keeps on giving in Reconciliation and the most Holy Eucharist. Oh, my Beautiful Lord!

Then there's Bill. I'd given up on finding a soul-mate and was just wandering through life and men, making bad choices: really bad choices. But even then you had my best interests at heart. I'd turned my back on you and you gave me the right man who would want me, who would take our vows seriously, who would help me turn back to you. And he continues to be my greatest blessing next to our Lord.

And my children, Lord. They've taught me so much. They've drawn me closer to you through their struggles and triumphs. I am so grateful for each and every one of them.

Our parents, who help us so much in every way they can. They're not close geographically, but they're close to us otherwise. Oh my Lord, I thank you for them!

I also thank you for where we live. This big rambling farmhouse in this little bitty village in the United States. Such a good place to call home! Thank you for leading us here!

Thank you for our financial situation. I complain about it so much, but it forces us to rely on you. And we're committed to scaling back even more to make changes this year. Please bless that effort, my Lord. We'd like to give more. But I want your will to be done not my own.

Thank you for this beautiful world you've created. I love being out in it! Please give me the determination to be out in it more and enjoy your natural blessings.

Oh my Lord I could go on and on. You have blessed me beyond measure. I thank you and I love you,

Your child,

Lisa

The rest of the day went smoothly and well because I started it out this way. That's the wonder of a gratitude letter to Father God.

Sky: Wonder Struck

I've been waiting for a clear night for this challenge and finally, on the Feast of the Holy Family, it was clear and cold. I spent fifteen minutes outside looking at the moon and the stars. I overlooked some light pollution to do this. I watched an airplane fly over in the night. And I pondered.

I thought of how far God had allowed mankind to come technology- wise. Electricity with which we could "pollute" the night and lengthen our work day.  Amazing! Flying in any manner...incredible! All because God gave us brains and curiosity and ingenuity. What gifts! To be made in His image and likeness!

I considered the stars and the promise made to Abraham. His name was changed and he was given the promise many years before the child of that promise was born. He died before that child (Isaac) had his own child Jacob. He was long dead when Jacob's name was changed to Israel and his twelve sons and thus a nation was born. But Abraham believed. Such faith! And when the real Child of the Promise came generations later He opened the way for me to have that kind of faith as well.

I considered all the promises for which God has been faithful to me. During my first pregnancy I highlighted in my Bible all the verses pertaining to a successful outcome of pregnancy, a healthy child. I had plenty of time, for I was on bed rest for four months.  Then that child was born, at 30 weeks gestation, on the Feast of the Holy Innocents. He weighed 2 pounds, 5 ounces. He was in the NICU  for 45 days. And he came home healthy. This year his birth feast day was superseded by the Feast of the Holy Family. He is eighteen years old on this birthday and a good man. Those promises I highlighted all came true. Despite my lack of faith. Or because my husband has the faith of Abraham. He never wavered though I worried.

My husband is another promise God fulfilled. I would be enumerating forever if I tried to count all the promises He has honored. They are as many as the stars in the sky. I a wonder struck by His faithfulness.

St. Rita

Each new year, along with a really serious resolution, I go to a website for a saint for the year; an extra patron to pray for me, from whose life and holiness I can learn. The selection is random - until this year a nun prayed for my request for a saint, then assigned one to me. This year I used a Saint's Name Generator website. My friends and I have always referred to this process as the saint's choice.

The saint who chose me this year is St. Rita of Cascia. She is so powerful! She is also a little frightening to me. If I'm going to need her help this year...God may ask a lot of me in 2012. St. Rita is a patron of those in difficult marriages (can't see how that could ever happen, my beloved Bill is the most even-tempered person I've ever met!). She's also a patron of desperate causes, harsh illnesses, and widows.

That's stuff I don't want to face. I'd much rather the Christian life be a picnic. I'd rather read and study and have a theoretical understanding of the providence of God. As it is, we understand God providing our physical needs - there's always more month than money, yet everything is...comfortable. I LIKE comfortable. And it seems, if I'll need St. Rita's intercession, the lack may not be monetary (which I'm used to); but perhaps health. Quinta has been having pain issues; no cause has been found, so she has been in physical therapy. Or mental health; with her pain, Quinta has become glued to my side. I am struggling against resentment at losing "me" time. We won't even discuss the possibility of widowhood - which scares me beyond measure.

And maybe, just maybe, I am simply to learn from St. Rita's life and holiness. To enrich my own life and increase my own holiness. I'm going to try to reign in my wild imagination and approach my new patron in that way. St. Rita of Cascia, please pray for me to the Lord our God!

Help my Unbelief!

Secunda and I took Quinta for her check with the endocrinologist at Riley. Secunda has Precocious Puberty and Growth Hormone Deficiency; she knew all the tests Dr. J might run and all the exams she would do. She was able to explain all that in an upbeat manner for Quinta, so there were no tears or meltdowns, just a healthy curiosity. It was a blessing having Secunda with us!

After a bone age scan of her hand, Quinta was examined by Dr. J. She is short, she has "significant" breast tissue, and her bone age was on the high side of normal. We determined not to "watch it" for a further six months. Given our experience with Secunda, we decided to go ahead and schedule a hormone stimulation test to see if she has Precocious Puberty. At the same time they will check her growth hormone levels to see if she has a deficiency.

Sometimes I think, "Yes, it's possible she has the same rare juxtaposition of disorders her sister has." At other times I think, "What are the odds of lightning striking twice?" And my mind strays to the possibility of a tumor on her pituitary or adrenal glands. And I'm a little bit frightened. I know God is with us, will be with us and will get us through whatever is in store. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!

The Provision of God

As this year is at an end I'm sitting here thinking, it's been a really good year. Just one health challenge; my Beloved has palpitations that sometimes leave him dizzy (making me our only driver). Our van is having issues, but there's our station wagon to drive. Other than those things, there's the usual challenge of more month at the end of the money. God our Father has met our every need, just as He promises. Not a minute before-hand (oh me of little faith)! But He meets them.

We've been to a food bank, once last year, once this year. This year was a total bust, because we got there late (think 45 minutes after they opened their doors). We wanted to miss the crowds - we also missed the majority of the food. The year before was pretty much a bust, too. The food and sundries were already boxed up, but they made no concessions for the fact we are a family of 7. We got one box of cereal (how far does that go among 5 children?) and one roll of toilet paper (?). Food banks have their place, but God does not usually meet our needs that way.

God meets our needs through family and friends. He's my Mother-in-law, who never fails to get a shopping list from us before visiting. He's the generous "Secret Sister" in my Mom's Group, who gave us a freezer bag full of beef (I'm not even in the Secret Sister program). And He's "Santa", who this year sent two huge turkeys and two bags of gifts through our priest to our house. Santa knows my family pretty well, because he/she got each of the kids a book or books right in their interest and reading levels. And gave my Beloved and I some wonderful gifts as well.

I know that whatever 2011 holds for us, God will be right there, providing, guiding, helping us meet whatever challenges come our way. To Him be the glory forever and ever, amen.