New Year, New Goals

The beginning of a new year. I used Jen Fulwiler's  Saint Generator, and was chosen by St. Paul the first Hermit. His patronage is of the clothing industry and weavers. Fascinating, as  I hope to include sewing and woven jewelry into my projects this year.

I also used Jen's Word of the Year Generator. My word is PURPOSE. I love it! I know my purpose is to get my family to Heaven and my chief commitment is to family and home. I pray daily that my kids...anyone...may only see Christ when they look at me. And now that I'm healthy and have energy I can bring order and peace to our home.

My purpose is also to be a fitting helpmeet to my husband. I feel a great urge to pray with him daily and to do more to help with expenses. I hope to make a boatload of sellable crafts and set up a booth at craft fairs, bazaars, etc. As I get more proficient with more complex items I may set up on Etsy - but that will be a few years down the road. I'll need to start small and build up. I'd like to recruit some of the kids to work with me and perhaps pay them with the proceeds. That too will take some time. We'll see how it goes.

I also chose a Focus Word: LEAN. Since gastric bypass surgery I've lost about 80 pounds. I continue to lose weight and am determined to reach my goal of 135 pounds by April 13th (one year out from surgery). About 30 pounds to go - it is doable. I wish to exercise daily; core exercises every other day with other targeted areas on the off days. A walk daily with Bill and the therapy pool as often as possible. My body will get toned and lean; I'll be strong enough to answer any call of God and will be taking care of my temple.

LEAN has other meanings as well. I plan to lean into our Father, relying on His Strength and Providence. To do this I need to speak with Him daily, get to Mass regularly, try to add a daily Mass or two to my schedule, Lectio Divina, continue my Adoration hour (it's SO fruitful!), volunteer when needed, practice hospitality. Add these in a little at a time so there's no overwhelm. Make good habits.

It's obvious I need some kind of schedule. There's always appointments to get to, Monica has school, meals and prep time need to be added...it may be challenging but it will be doable.

I also want to blog this journey. Sunday is a good day to do that: one day a week is a good starting goal.

Whew! Exciting plans! I'm a turtle, though, not a hare. Slow and steady wins the race. One goal at a time will be implemented. That way all will be accomplished well. I'll refer to my list of goals often, I think. Otherwise I'll forget my motivation and lose my way. It's a "long and winding road" that leads to God's door, but I'm on the way. One foot in front of the other and I'll finish the course. Walk with me.

the Work of God

 I've often, over the years, asked God how best I could serve Him: what could I do to make an impact for His kingdom? I didn't find an answer in my angst-filled teens. I did go to an Evangelical Bible College and got a degree in Bible with an emphasis on Biblical Counseling. For one reason or another using that degree was blocked. It seemed I couldn't serve God that way. I drifted through my twenties still asking how I could serve. 

Then I stopped asking. I turned my back. I made one disastrous decision after another until I lost everything: boyfriend, job, bank account, living arrangements...even my truck broke down as I was trying to return to my parents. I still wasn't asking; I was half-way turned back to Him, but still resentful. I figured I'd be alone the rest of my life; whatever job I got would fill my days; I'd live with my parents until I got on my feet again.

Then I met my Beloved Bill, married, was slammed into our first difficult pregnancy. Shortly before our marriage, we had started attending Church (Mass for him, service for me) and the question started echoing again, "How can I serve you?"

With Christopher's birth, I knew my service in that season was to raise godly children. I threw myself into that; and the babies, the heartaches, the joy, the big decisions kept coming; but I knew where my service lay. With my family.

Then depression, illness, LIFE happened. I was bedridden much of the time. I felt useless. What could I do then? My wise husband told me I could always pray. And I knew I could offer up the constant pain for someone else's benefit. Yet I felt I didn't do either very effectively. In James 5:16, we're told "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective". I wasn't righteous. And I was so wrapped up in my pain I forgot to offer it up - it was wasted. Just...pain.

I wanted to be USEFUL. I wanted to be ACTIVE. The things I was trying to do seemed so static. Stagnant. Worthless. Of course, the Word of the Lord had the answer all along. Jesus had just multiplied the loaves and fish. The crowds had seen the apostles leave on a boat to Capernaum without Jesus; but in the morning, he wasn't there. (He had joined his disciples overnight, walking on the water.) So the crowds found him again in Capernaum. After a discourse by Christ, they 

                               "said to him, "What can we do to accomplish the works

                                of God?"

                                Jesus answered and said to them, "This is the work of 

                                God, that you believe in the One He sent."       --John 6:28-29

Now obviously, it isn't quite that easy. But with belief IN Him, comes love OF Him. With love OF Him comes the desire to be LIKE Him. With that desire, combined with action, in whatever season of life, you're automatically doing the will of our Father: because that's what Jesus did, and we're imitating Him. But it all starts with faith. Love. Only then will we have hope of eternal life.Yet we do need strenghth for the act of service. Jesus announces in John 6:27 that what nourishes man is a spiritual food which gives us eternal life. God is the One who gives us this food and He gives it to us through His Son. We must eat His body, drink His blood, in order to continue receiving power and virtue; in order to continue the work of God which is believing in the One He sent. The Eucharist is REAL, thank Goodness! My Lord and my God. + Amen +

Rain in the first world

 A couple of weeks ago, we got rain. Deluge, build-an-ark rain. The water table was already high; flood warnings out for the nearby Sangamon River. The front stalled above our house and dropped inches of rain. Epic proportions. 

Our basement flooded. The two lowest boards of our staircase dropped; disappeared. Not just under the water - no longer part of the stair. There was now a two-foot drop at the end of the staircase, though we didn't know this at first. Bill went down to explore, scraped his leg badly as his foot dropped into nothing. Bill is prone to cellulitis infections; it was obvious he couldn't go down again.

My turn. I put on my pink camo rain boots and headed down. Held tight to the rails and cautiously lowered my left leg down into the water. My boot instantly filled. Hmm. These boots are calf-high. Time for a different tack. I backed up the stairs, emptied my boot, and steeled my courage. In swimsuit and water shoes, armed with a walking stick, I tried again. Down the stairs and into the abyss. Shocking cold water. Up to my hips! Oh my!

It's never flooded this badly before. We have a submersible sump pump and a back-up; neither seemed to be working. In fact, the back-up was also submerged. Worse, the water was half-way up our furnace/air conditioner (which sits in a lower recess) and 2/3 of the way up our hot water heater. Bill had already turned the electricity off to the basement, of course. As I made my way slowly through the water by flashlight, hunched over from the low ceiling, growing increasingly chilled, my throat started to close. I could feel panic rising in my chest as I inspected the damage. I finally turned and rushed through the drag of the water from a full-blown panic attack, banging my head on some duct-work on the way out. The walking stick helped lift me to the now-bottom step, though I painfully wrenched my knee in my haste.

It took a week or so for the water to recede; but we're still using fans (no air conditioning) and washing dishes and showering in cold water (no hot water). We don't have money at the moment to have someone check the appliances out before bringing them back online, and didn't have a safe way for them to access the machines even if we had the extra funds.

Enter my parents. More specifically, my Dad. An industrial engineer by trade, he can fix anything. In my naivete, I thought all men had this gift. Bill didn't even bring tools into our marriage. I was gifted a tool kit at one of my bridal showers; we had that and a socket set Bill inherited from a great-uncle that neither of us knew how to use. He has since gained knowledge from on-line videos and we've slowly amassed more tools, however... My Dad is a Godsend. Thanks to him, we now have two sturdy new steps on the basement staircase. The back-up sump pump has been repaired; the submersible sump-pump has been replaced. My Mom has offered great comfort and distracting chatter. They've bailed us out more than once and we love them beyond measure. We  thank God for them daily.

And each time I take a cold shower I think of those who would love to have a shower, no matter what the temperature. Or those who have to carry water; they have no ready tap in the house. I think of my first world problems, and am grateful. 

Quotes

 I tried to enter my favorite quotes in a profile today; but the format didn't permit that as a category. So I'll just share them here and there's nothing anyone can do about it!

The first was on a poster in a Junior-high classroom; though I can't now remember if it was my English or Spanish classroom. It struck my teen-age soul and has stayed with me since:

"You say that I am mad. Indeed, too much sanity may be madness. But the maddest of all; to see life as it is, instead of as it should be."                                    ---Cervantes,  Don Quixote

The second quote I found in the early days of my conversion to Catholicism. I've read this man's books only once so far. He and I go 'round and 'round in my head, for he tells me things I don't particularly wish to hear. Convicting things. I absolutely love this quote; it reminds me what I'm doing in praise and supplication:

"The prayer of a Christian is never a monologue."          ---St. Josemaria Escriva, The Way

What are your favorite quotes? Why?

Secrets of the Interior Life

By Archbishop Luis M. Martinez,  translated by H. J. Beutler, C.M. S.T.L. I read this fabulous book as part of my morning devotions. Bishop Martinez stresses faith, even when, especially when, one is in desolation and believe God is far away. In the obscurity of faith is where one will hear Him (not in feelings). I found so many truths and helps in here! I will be reading it again, aloud, to my children.

Personal Prayers of Christians Through the Centuries

This is a small book full of brief prayers compiled by David Schubert. The prayers have been put into modernized form and are listed in a loose alphabetical framework. It includes some relatively unknown people (Acuin, English priest and scholar), and some woefully mislabeled (Patrick, patron of Ireland), from all Cristian traditions (John Knox, Martin Luther, John Wesley, etc.), and many Church fathers (Clement, Polycarp, Irenaeus, etc.). There are poets and kings, hymnists and seamen, theologians and headmasters. People who would seem to have nothing in common, yet they all prayed. Beautiful prayers. Written down for posterity. So we, too, may pray these prayers. A beginning prayer of contrition, an ending plea for peace.

"Lord God,
Of your goodness give me yourself,
For you are enough for me,
And only in you have I all. Amen."
                               Julian of Norwich

Our Lady of Fatima

100 Years of Stories, Prayers, and Devotions. By Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle, this is a non-fiction account of the Marian apparitions in Fatima, Portugal in 1917, culminating with the miracle of the sun on October 13 of that year. The messages are discussed, as well as the sees, the times, and what Our Lady could want from us today. Each chapter includes a prayer, a reflection, and an attainable call to action; making the book a devotional more than a history.

I read this for Book Club in anticipation of the 100th anniversary of the final appearance of Mary at Fatima. I knew about the event and to whom Our Lady appeared, and that's about all. So in this book I learned of the Angel of Peace who appeared to the children twice, in preparation. I learned the messages Mary gave. They are homey messages; simple, though not easy. Conversion. Penance. Prayer. I fall so short; it's disheartening. So. Begin again. In the Sacred Heart of Christ and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, begin again.

Not at this time

I have several health conditions; pain conditions, that keep my activities in check. These conditions have gotten markedly worse in the last few months. So much so that I'm considering withdrawing from Boy Scouts, which is my only volunteer position at the moment, takes the most out of me when I participate fully, and is one of my biggest joys.

The local theater group is auditioning for a production of Twelve Angry Women this week; and I thought it would be fun to audition. I would love to get involved in something that maybe wouldn't take so much of my energy, where I could meet potential friends. However, if I were to get a part, the rehearsals, I'm sure, would be at night. I can no longer drive at night (I can, but vision issues make me feel unsafe), so Bill would have to drive me. The actual performances will be held at a busy time for our family; we have other obligations. So. Not at this time.

I will have to keep thinking it through. Whether to quit Boy Scouts. To add something new if my pain and energy level can handle it. At the moment, that's a NO. Though I desperately want to. I cry thinking about giving up things that bring me joy. Becoming bedridden. I really don't want to offer it up; I want to keep going!

Father God, help me accept my situation as it is. Help me offer my suffering in accord with your will. Oh, help me be holy! Amen

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

A Year of Food Life. By Barbara Kingsolver, Steven L. Hopp, and Camille Kingsolver. I was intrigued by the title and got this book with little idea what it was about. Barbara Kingsolver and her family move from Arizona to Virginia partly to reduce their carbon footprint and realign themselves with the food chain as it actually grows. They make a pact to buy only food grown in their neighborhood, grow it themselves, or do without, for a full year. This was surprisingly engrossing. Never preachy, simply present facts (with resources listed where you can see for yourself) and state what those facts mean for their family. I really enjoyed the recipes and meal plans Camille (Barbara's daughter) included. Barbara provides the memoir, her husband Steven adds more environmental information. Fascinating stuff. They are grateful for their good life, but they are not religious people. It was more a vague "thanks to the universe" sort of thing. They wrote about a year of incredible bounty and good health that kept them able to sow and reap and preserve. Recognizing Whom it came from? Perhaps that too will come in time.

Into the Wild

Written by Jon Krakauer, this adventure non-fiction work tells the story of Chris McCandless. After he graduated from Emory in 1990, fulfilling his parents' dreams for him, he set out to meet his own dreams. He gave away a considerable savings account to charity, and in the course of a transcontinental adventure abandoned his car, most of his belongings, burned the cash in his wallet, identified himself as "Alex" ... He made his way by hitchhiking, picking up odd jobs along the way. April 1992 found him heading into the Alaska bush to commune with nature and make his way the best he could in a last great adventure. His body was found in August. The mystery of what happened to this idealistic young man is addressed in this book, as well as why he left to begin with and what happened in that two year span. An engrossing tale. Left me praying for his soul and all the people so affected by his loss.

Spiritual Passages

The Psychology of Spiritual Development. By Benedict J. Groeschel, this is a fascinating, insightful work. The cover states it is "For Those Who Seek", and it is an excellent place to start that journey.

The first part of the book deals with the psychology of spirituality: the call of God and how Christian is one's spirituality? It then moves into understanding development: human, religious, and spiritual. Finally, there is a chapter on psychology and spirituality together.

Part two deals with a psychological understanding of the three ways of the spiritual life: purgation, illuminative, and unitive. Finally, there's a chapter on how to take the the next good step, no matter where you are in your spiritual life. An appendix is included about the history of the doctrine of the three ways.

I read this as part of my morning devotions: in chunks. I look forward to reading it again in regular flow with a highlighter in hand, and to look up some of the authors in Father Groeschel's extensive notes, especially on prayer. Illuminating work and hard work to get through. Not a light read. But if you want to understand yourself both psychologically and spiritually, this is the place to start.

Confessions of a Prayer Slacker

By Diane Hale Moody, I found this non-fiction work to be extremely helpful. Perhaps because it went hand-in-glove with other things going on in my life as I read it. Moody takes us through the dynamics of prayer, common reasons (excuses) why we don't pray, how to address those.... it's a reminder of the incredible importance of daily, heart-felt communication with the Creator of the universe who wants relationship with us! It's a guide of how to prepare for that communication and why to prepare at all. Moody is chatty with some lame jokes which didn't detract from her material, maybe because I needed to read the material. Recommended.

Sitting with God: Wonderstruck

This challenge was to take an opportunity to simply be with God. To go to a place where God is most real to you and take twenty minutes to sit with your Maker. Allow prayers, worship, thanksgiving to emanate from your soul, naturally, wonderfully.

I suppose there are many places I could have chosen; church, nature, surrounded by my family. God would have seemed real in any of those places. But I am Catholic, blessed enough to have a Eucharistic Adoration Chapel nearby. Where God is real and waiting for me.

O Sacrament most holy
O Sacrament divine
All praise and all thanksgiving
Be every moment Thine.

I prayed. I sang (in my head, for there were other adorers there). I sat and looked at my Lord and my God. He looked at me. Before I knew it, fifty minutes had passed. I left reluctantly. That's the wonder of sitting with God; you want to stay.

"Stay with me Jesus, I do not ask for divine consolation because I do not merit it, but the gift of Your presence, oh yes, I ask this of you."  Padre Pio after communion prayer

Appreciation: Wonderstruck

This challenge was to express gratitude to three people who have made a difference in my life; who have been couriers of God's wonder. I chose my parents, my husband, and my mother-in-law. I chose to thank each of them with a handwritten note.

My parents were the primary shapers of my faith. They got it going and molded it well, I think. I don't think I ever really thanked them for that, even in the note that told them I was converting to Roman Catholicism (or in their minds, turning my back on my faith). So I wrote a note detailing exactly what I thank them for in regards to faith. It went out in today's mail.

My husband helped guide me to the fullness of faith in the Catholic Church. He continues to guide and guard our family. I couldn't be more proud of him, nor love and respect him more.

My mother-in-law gives me an example of a truly simple, yet deep belief. Perhaps because she's had to rely on God for the most mundane things all her life, she just knows she will be taken care of somehow. She was just diagnosed with cancer; she's facing it with a serenity I am envious of. I needed to thank her for the gift of her example.

These are the wonders of appreciation. Thank you, Lord, for each of these people. Please bless them.

God: Wonder Struck

The challenge for day 17 is to be in the presence of God. To write down names for, characteristics of, attributes of, and promises of God. Then spend time thanking and adoring Him.

He is El Shaddai, God Almighty. The God who listens. Lord Most High.

Lord, you are worthy, mighty, holy, just, merciful, loving, omniscient, omnipresent, marvelous, awesome, good, light.

You are the bread of life, the door, the only way to the Father, a strong tower, The way, the truth, and the life, the creator, the Savior, the comforter, the shepherd, the judge, vindicator, stronghold, my strength, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my shield, my saving horn, perfect, trustworthy, right, clear, pure, true, host, compassionate, faithful, my salvation, my life's refuge.

As for promises, there are so many! I only wrote down some that were true for me; and I'll only post some of those. What an amazing God!

The Lord Himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still. Ex 14:14

For the sake of your name, Lord, pardon my guilt, though it is great. Ps  25:11

Blessed be God, who did not refuse me the kindness I sought in prayer. Ps  66:20

I, the Lord, am your God ... open wide your mouth that I may fill it. Ps 81:11

Show us, Lord, your love; grant us your salvation. Ps  85:8

The entirety of Psalm 103

Gives the childless wife a home, the joyful mother of children. Hallelujah! Ps  113:9

Sirach 2:1-6

How great the mercy of the Lord, his forgiveness of those who return to him! Sirach 17:24

Let your life be free from love of money but be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never forsake you or abandon you." Heb 13:5

Oh, the wonder of the presence of God!!

Letter: Wonder Struck

This next challenge was fun for this wordsmith girl! I had to write a letter of love and gratitude to God. I only had twenty minutes. Had to set that timer again, because I could write for hours!

Dearest Heavenly Father,

Oh, how I love you! You have done such wondrous things for me. Jesus. The most amazing gift. And He keeps on giving in Reconciliation and the most Holy Eucharist. Oh, my Beautiful Lord!

Then there's Bill. I'd given up on finding a soul-mate and was just wandering through life and men, making bad choices: really bad choices. But even then you had my best interests at heart. I'd turned my back on you and you gave me the right man who would want me, who would take our vows seriously, who would help me turn back to you. And he continues to be my greatest blessing next to our Lord.

And my children, Lord. They've taught me so much. They've drawn me closer to you through their struggles and triumphs. I am so grateful for each and every one of them.

Our parents, who help us so much in every way they can. They're not close geographically, but they're close to us otherwise. Oh my Lord, I thank you for them!

I also thank you for where we live. This big rambling farmhouse in this little bitty village in the United States. Such a good place to call home! Thank you for leading us here!

Thank you for our financial situation. I complain about it so much, but it forces us to rely on you. And we're committed to scaling back even more to make changes this year. Please bless that effort, my Lord. We'd like to give more. But I want your will to be done not my own.

Thank you for this beautiful world you've created. I love being out in it! Please give me the determination to be out in it more and enjoy your natural blessings.

Oh my Lord I could go on and on. You have blessed me beyond measure. I thank you and I love you,

Your child,

Lisa

The rest of the day went smoothly and well because I started it out this way. That's the wonder of a gratitude letter to Father God.

Prayer: Wonder Struck

This challenge was to pray for twenty minutes, presenting my praises and petitions in three words only. It was a true challenge!

I began with praises. "You are _________ ." I just rolled them off. Mighty, holy, loving, provider, merciful, wise, etc. Then I began asking for help for people.  "Bless ______ family." I tried to keep an idea in my mind of what their specific needs were. If I got stuck I went back to praises, this time picturing how God is mighty ( spinning galaxies into space) or holy ( the Eucharist in a Monstrance).

Occasionally, I would drop back into normal conversation. Sometimes it was necessary. "Thanks for Helen. Glad with you. And not here where I can screw it up like with her brothers and sisters." Then there was the back and forth of how I am not screwing it up, but doing a pretty good job. They're really good kids and I had something to do with that.

It was interesting to be so intentional with my words in prayer. Three word prayers are not my favorite way to pray, but did freshen things a bit. Yet it's a bit contrived. Prayer is a relationship conversation. I doubt I would ever say to my husband, "our conversation is just a little stale; let's try just using three word sentences today." Yet God is merciful and understanding - THAT'S the wonder of prayer.

Silence: Wonder Struck

Today's challenge is to sit in God's presence in silence for twenty minutes. Keep a pen and paper handy to write down any names of people who need prayer, verses God brings to mind, etc.

I had a hard time with this challenge. To hush the chatter in my mind... Yes, I was praying, but it was all one-sided. I rarely let God speak to me. A name would come to mind and I was off, like an auctioneer, telling the Lord what He already knows and begging Him to fix things how I think He should. When I could have said, "You know this person's needs; may your will be done in his life" and gone back to listening for my Lord.

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. This verse came to me as I was praying for my own family. And while praying for myself toward the end of my time? She looks well to the ways of her household.

As difficult as it was to be silent, no prayer is wasted. I remembered many friends in my time with God. I look forward to trying this challenge again to discover the wonder of silence.

Reflection: Wonderstruck

I've just finished reading Wonderstruck  by Margaret Feinberg. An exciting book, it tells how to awaken and become aware of God in the everyday. At the end of the book she has a thirty day challenge for readers to become awed by the wonder of God.

The first day is a prayerful reflection of what keeps me from noticing God's wonders. I literally sleep through many days. My energy level is low and I require a nap to make it through the day. But rather than set an alarm for a quick power nap, I sleep as long as I can, waking groggy and overtired.  As I take the kids to various appointments and obligations, I'm often thinking of the next thing on my list or worrying about the bank account or health or ... and I miss the glory of God as He reveals Himself on our way.

He reveals Himself not just in creation. I miss Him, too, in the stories of others because I don't take the time to listen anymore. I have always been a good listener; truly interested in people. But lately I am insulated with my family and I assume I know their stories. When out and about I haven't asked people about themselves so I could learn the wonder of God in their lives. Perhaps this challenge will help me change that.

Where have you seen the wonder of God?

Tuscany Press

Tuscany Press is a Catholic publishing company which hosts an annual contest for novels, young adult novels and short stories. Just before the June 30th deadline, I submitted a short story called "The Penance of Living".

This afternoon, during a two-day migraine, I decided to check the email piling up in my inbox. I found this:

I'm writing to let you know that an excerpt from your submission to the 2014 Tuscany Prize will post to the Tuscany Press Blog August 7:

http://www.tuscanypress.com/?p=2665

It will also be featured in a post on the Tuscany Press Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/TuscanyPress

And on Catholic Fiction's Facebook page on the same day:

https://www.facebook.com/CatholicFiction

"Like" the Facebook pages to keep up with all contest-related announcements and excerpts from other submissions. We also encourage you to share these links with your friends and followers.

Now, true, it's not announcing that I won any of the 5-place finishes or 5 honorable mentions. However, Tuscany Press gets thousands of short story submissions. Surely they don't excerpt all of them?  I am excited, in any case, and the news lessened the migraine pain a bit, so it's all good!

I've been feeling the call to write for quite some time. This short story is the first thing I put any significant amount of time into. A book is outlined and well begun. It is being put on hold for a stealth project - hubby and I would like to see my mother-in-love move in with us! Please pray for this endeavor.